I think that I’ve been having a mid life crisis. Not a wish washy one either. I mean, no one is having an affair or buying a sports care or anything-but it’s defiantly at least a Class 3 existential meltdown.
One of the things I’ve been doing on my crisis is regretting much of my youth. I’ve been naming a lot of things as “wasted” and wishing I had a fistful of do-overs.Â
Today I decided that instead of regret, I would mine my past for wisdom. I would stir these longings around and use them to create some advice for the lovelies coming up behind me.
I’ll be giving this unsolicited adviceÂ decade by decade over the next two Thursdays. Here’s my first installment on thing sthat will prepÂ peeps for life ahead, and letÂ them seize their teenage day.
Â *8 Things I Highly Recommend You Do in Your Teens.
Â 1. Do It. If you are over 15, and you are seriously in love with a boy/girl–for more than a few weeks, please–and you want to sleep with them, feel free. (More on this theory here.)
2. Wear a bikini. I know you may feel fat, but you look goddamn fantastic. Celebrate the body you have now while everything is UP where it started.
3. Learn how to write a research paper. I cannot tell you what decent writing and research skills will do for you.
4. Forget the ‘dictorians. Get good-to-great, not great -to-fantastic grades. The Ivy League is overrated. For most people, 4.0’s will not be required. You might as well enjoy your youth.
5. Learn to drive a stick shift. (Have someone other than your parents teach you.)
6. Take a foreign language — not one year, every year of high school. If you live in California, Texas, Arizona, or New Mexico this language should be Spanish. (Respect!)
7. Do what you are afraid of: sports, drama, circus training, spending the summer away from home. This is the era of carpe diem.
8. Carry these things with you: a tampon, a condom, enough money to cab home, and a few reliable phone numbers WRITTEN ON PAPER. (In a crisis I can virtually guarantee your cell battery WILL run out and you WILL discover you don’t have anyone’s phone numbers memorized.)