30Stories started as an impulsive birthday project in which I offered to answer 30 questions from my blog readers in 30days. The 30days part proved to be too ambitious, but I adored all the questions so I’m continuing to work my way through the list.
This is story number 21, and it comes from Polly of Pixie Mama who asks:
Q: “What is your one tip for starting to create your own tribe.”
A:As you know, Soultribes are kinda my thing. I build them on a regular basis. I have lots of tips on how get them started, but here is my number one piece of advice: Assume Impermanance.
Every since the era of self-help, having “a family of choice” has been part of our psycho-speak. We can have the family we are born into, and a family we choose to gather around us. This concept helps us stand in our own power, and create the life we need and long for.Â The challenge in this modern-day lingo is that “family” is such a loaded word. “Family is Forever.” “Blood is Thicker than Water.” These slogans feed the idea that whatever group you gather around you must go on ad infinitum.
This, my friends, is not likely to be so. People move. Lifestyles change. You — you, your very growing self — you evolve, and so do the people around you. Is it any wonder that the college group that played together is not the same tribe you need now?
Assume that whatever soultribe you are forming now, or next, will be impermanent. The composition will shift. What you do together will change. People will come and go. It might even end all together. And that is okay. Natural even. Your tribe is a living thing that is emerging organically from the life you have right now. So enjoy it, right now, in it’s current incarnation. And don’t worry so much about making it last until death do us part.
So here are my tips for creating a soultribe from a place of assumed impermanence.
Start with and End Date.When you invite people over to a book group, or Sunday brunch, or to cook together, or whatever, make it short term. One afternoon, 3 Tuesdays, the first weekend of the month for 3 months. This lets people commit lightly until you figure out if you are gelling enough to keep going — and it lets you back out if you decide hosting a tribe is not your thing.
Hold it Loosely. I know mission-statements are all the rage, but don’t write one for your group. Not yet. Don’t over-define what you will be about or what you will do together right away. Try this. Try that. See what feels best.
Don’t Bring a Moving Van to the First Date.When you start playing around with the idea of a soultribe, gather people in little clusters and see what you think. Have drinks. Make dinner together. Take a walk around the lake. While you spend time together, look for things you have in common. But don’t just look for similarities. That’s boring! Keep an eye open for Â interests your potential tribe-mates have that aren’t your interests, but which intrigue you. If after a few dates things start to gel and you decided to do something together on a regular basis, keep in mind that RDT (relational definition talks) are part of the process. You’ll need to chat from time to time to figure out if what you are doing together is working. And remember, if you don’t like them you aren’t obligated to go out with them again — even if they did buy you dinner. :-)
What questions do you have aboutÂ forming a soultribe? What tribes have you been a part of which nurtured you? How did they form? We’d love to hear your ideas and stories, because there ain’t nowhere to go but together.
You might also like:
Flock: Soulcare with Magpie Girl – an online soultribe for spiritual misfits.
(Get on our wait-list here.)
Magpie Girl’s Guide: Â SoulRetreats: how to host a tribe with art and soul
How to build a Dreamboard circle
Soultribe Interview: The Knittas
Soultribe Interview: Third Saturday
Soultribe Interview: Tribes for Deep Support
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Story 2:Â How has your spirituality shaped your sexuality?
Story 3: IRL and Online Friendships: same? different? balanced.
Story 4: How can I connect with my neighborhood?
Story 5: What do I do if my partner and I have different faiths?
Story 6: What are you doing to make a difference in this world?
7tory 7: What is your highest high and what can you learn from it?
Story 8: What role has massage played in your life?
Story 9: How can I make administrative tasks a creative/spiritual practice?
Story 10: What has it meant to you to have your birthday so near Halloween?
Story 11: How can I manage resistance around my art?
StoryÂ 12: I want to establish some kind of spiritual practice. Where do I start?
Story 13: What is your primary spiritual practice?
Story 14: Do you prefer living in Europe or in the U.S.?Â
Stroy 15: How does nature affect your spirituality, and why do you say you have a soft spot for Pagans?
Story 16: As your spirituality expands, does God stay personal?
Story 17: How can I pursue my dreams, do the have-toâ€™s, and not burn out?
Story 18Â How can I create a spiritual community?
Story 19: What has it been like returning to the U.S. after living abroad?
Story 20: How can you create balance in your on-line life?