Finding Sisterhood: Friendship Practice

All of my life I’ve been a connector.

From planning the all-night party in high school, to cohousing and neighborhood potlucks, to juicy retreats, I bring people together. (It’s kinda my superpower.)

But what comes naturally to me can seem confusing to some, or overwhelming to others. (I see you, introverts and HSP’s. I see you.) Making friends is not for the faint of heart. After all, it’s a lot like dating. Getting the guts up to say, “Would you want to do coffee sometime?” can give you the same sweaty palms you had when you asked that cute guy/girl to the prom. And really, who wants to regress to high school?

And yet, it’s vital that we have a tribe of friends.

Tribes make sure everyone gets fed (physically, emotionally, and spiritually.)
Tribes give us a place to call home in the midst of a large and busy world.
Tribes have elders and peers who teach us what we need to adventure on our own.
Tribes are the places where our creativity lives, in craft and song and stories.

My magpie my sweet, if we’re going to build our tribe, we need to get in a little more friendship practice.

Click to Tweet the good word!


We’ve got to figure out how to work well with our schedules.
How to overcome distance.
How to find the rhythm of together-and-apart that lets us have real connection (while still respecting the demands of our everyday life.)

Because frankly, that little list of tribal goodness? That shit is important! And we aren’t going to figure out how to do it if we don’t practice.

We can do this, you and I.
We can make friends.
We can create circles.
We can build tribes.


By being in the places where you would meet you.
By meeting in real life, then using our online living room to build on what we started.
By writing our story together.

Lomogram_2013-08-17_03-25-31-PMLet’s start by passing notes. You remember passing notes, don’t you? Those treasured folded up how-are-ya’s on wide-rule? Kimberly Sugimura and I certain kept our sisterhood of the traveling gossip together through this simple method. Why not let the very practice that connected us in 9th grade Geography class come to the rescue once more?

Will you engage in some Friendship practice with me?

1.Get some notebook paper.
2. Write a note using this format. Keep it simple. Keep it true.

Dear Friend,
I hope…
I absolutely love..
Don’t forget…
Much Warmth,
(your name here.)

3. Fold it up like this (or similar).
4. Put it in an envelope with a SASE (don’t forget!) and send it to:

A Tiding of Magpies
3509 Densmore Ave N
Seattle, WA 98103

Will this bring you a BFF? Nope.
Will you be able to bare your soul? I wouldn’t advise it so soon.
Will this be a cure-all for loneliness. Probably not.

It will reconnect you to a time when friendship was fun (and not sweaty-palmed.)
It will make sure you get some nice words in the mail.
It will help you practice sharing you.

So go on! Get your spiral note book and your blue Bic. I’ve got my note ready. It’s time to pass yours.

(Amen? Amen.)


I’m gathering various members of my flock – in real life pals, virtual acquaintances, and friends-of-friends—for a weekend of laughter and learning this fall. A cozy group of 25-60 –(it’s going to be smaller and sweeter than I initially planned)–this intimate gathering is a great chance for you to start making meaningful connections.  Plus you’ll get some really-small-group time with stellar teachers and coaches. Click here to join us. See you there!

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