What Your Day is Missing (And how to mend it.)

Darrah Parker Photography captures a friendly moment at Soul Sisters ’13.

I’m just going to get right to the point.

Friendship. Your day is missing friendship.

And I’m not talking about a comment on someone’s Facebook page. Those are great. God knows I love Facebook. But it is not the same as having a heart to heart. It’s not getting to know someone one, over time, on a meaningful level. Those are internet quipps are friendly, but they aren’t, you know, Friends. At least, not all 237 of them.

This Fall I went to a screening of Indie Kindred and Jen Lee confessed that she’s spends a couple hours a day on the phone talking to friends. You could feel the ripple of amazement and jealousy roll through the room. A couple hours? Who has the time! (Right?)

The she went on to talk about how much of her work as an artist is done in collaborations with friends. Our work, she said, is who we are becoming through the relationships we are building. Jen went on to say that friendship is not a little add-on that we squeeze in when we can. Friends should be bread and butter.

Shasta Nelson agrees with the need to make friendship more central. In her presentation at Urban Campfire last summer, Shasta cited studies that show a lack of interpersonal connection (i.e. friendship) is more damaging to your body as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Woah, right?

Here’s the thing. You, me, most of us…we need connection that goes deeper. Not deep as in serious, cry hard, rip our hearts out and put them on the table deeper. (At least, not all the time. I get exhausted just thinking about it!) But we do need people in our lives who know us — the breadth and depth of us.

One of the best ways I know to do this is to find a couple people and K.I.T. Remember when we used to write that in each other’s yearbooks? Keep in touch.

Keeping in touch means regular contact.
Keeping in touch means reaching out to celebrate the little things, vent about the annoying things, or get a hand to hold during the hard stuff.
Keeping in touch means making space — maybe not a couple hours a day like Jen is able to do because it’s integrated into her work life — but on a regular basis. A monthly girlfriend cocktail date. Checking in every Tuesday. Traveling the distance once a month for a overnight.

You and I are constantly at risk for catching the Not Worthy virus. Society hammers it into us. Restrictive religious models weave it into our developing DNA.

Who am I to leave my family in the evenings and go hang with a friend?
Why should I get to spend money on a plane ticket, or hotel room, or a dinner out?
Is it really “worth it” for me to go on retreat with a small group of like minded souls?

I have some answers for you, friend.

Who you are is a human with needs.
Who you are a member of clan who gets to share in the resources of that clan.
And gathering, in real life, is always worth it.

You need an steady drip of friendship support. We all do. Friendships help you keep moving towards your Beautiful Idea. Friends help you dig your way out when you feel lost. And it’s okay to want a hand to hold.

Yes, not having enough friendly connections is serious business. That’s why I’m making such a big part of my practice this year, and in the years to come. And by practice I mean both my personal practice and my practice as a soulcare provider.

In my personal life I’m talking to Lynn every Tuesday. I’m working hard to get Sara out for a drink at least once a month. I go out once a week in the evening with pals (and The Hubs does the same.) And I’m doing little things like texting and calling my friends a LOT more.

And in my work at Magpie Girl? I’m hosting local gatherings, because in real life is how things get started. I’m utilizing old fashioned snail mail to send you love letters. And I’m acknowledging the need to use clever things like the internet, and video chats, and yes, even Facebook.

What about you my magpie?

Are you ready to explore creative ways of getting your vitamin F?
Will you say, “Yes, I need this.”?
Can you see that you deserve a hand to hold?

I think you are.
I hope you will.
I know you can.

Amen? Amen.


Ready to get started? Flock is the fastest way to meet some like minded souls. Or you and I can get to know each other via correspondence coaching. Or, if you already know you like me, let me send you love notes. (Thanks, you.)

P.s. Friendship is a tricky topic and can make you feel a little weepy sometimes. That’s okay, love. Lean into that sadness. Paying attention to is like letting air and light reach a wound. You’ll heal up faster if you feel what’s in front of you. The next step is to experiment with new ways of making friends. It won’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. But when you’re ready,  let’s get started you and me, shall we? Lots of Warmth, R.

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