For many years I thought my body had betrayed me.
When my first child was stillborn.
When my head raged with migraines for the better part of a decade.
When my hunger led me repeatedly to foods that made me increasingly sick.
When I was molested as a child.
It took me a long time to realize — and in truth I am still learning to realize — that it was not my body that betrayed me.
Not a broken womb,
or a “early bloomer” bust line.
Not maladjusted taste buds,
or misfiring neurons.
No, my body was not attacking me. Rather, she herself was under attack.
From genetic mutations.
FromÂ stored trauma.
FromÂ food manipulated by GMO’s into weapons.
From a man who assaulted.
When these things happen — when we hurt, or break, or misfire — it is easy to think we have been betrayed. Not by evil, or virus, or bacterial,Â but by ourÂ very selves. We equate the harm being done to our body with actions being take by our bodies. Because that is where we feel the pain. That is where we experience the sorrow. In our tissues. In our marrow. In our bones. But the actions in our bodies are just re-actions to what has been visited upon us. Many times what we are feeling in our physical selves is the body working hard, so hard, to heal.
Friend, what I want you to know is this:
WhenÂ you hurt, when you ache, whenÂ you feel broken, you mayÂ thinkÂ you cannot trust your body. But you can.
You can hear past the painful noise. You can say to her: “I’m sorry that happened to you, is happening to you. Let’s get better.Â And the parts we cannot heal, let’s love anyway. Even when we are angry at them. Even when they make us cuss.”
We can unlearn this honest misunderstanding. We can change our perspective. We can return to trust.
If we can get just a little bit of space.
If we have witnesses who tell us true things.
If someone takes us by the shoulder and turns us a few degrees for a bright new perspective.
In this beautiful video, we are invited to step back into trust. This invitation is made to us as much through the body as through the voice. But the words back up the truth held in the flesh:
“Trust is not all or none. It’sÂ a slow and steady practice about learning the capacity for trust inÂ the world.”
Let this simple, powerful film hold space for you today. Let the performers be your witness. Let them take you by the shoulders and turn you to the light.
Are you ready to be your own best ally?
Can you learn anew to trust your body?Â
Will you grow your capacity?
I think you are.
I know you can.
I hope you will.
“Who do you trust? And how do you grow it?”Â Â
Take the first step, friend. Open your mouth and say, “me.”
A Invitation to Grow Your Capacity.
I’mÂ hosting that magic trifecta of Trust Restoration– space, witnesses, and guides– at Gather: Body Compassion on May 10th. Come learn to be a well fed woman with Rachel Cole. Get mind-body techniques for release and recovery from Andrea Rae. And be blessed by artists and soulcare providers alike. All in an intimate setting for more personalized care. (Just 20 seats.)
Click here to join us in trusting your body.Â Â